Why can’t I quit you? (or making sense of the Brian Dawkins departure)

Like all Eagles fans, the news of Brian Dawkins’ signing with the Broncos invoked some pretty intense emotions in me. That’s quite fitting for a guy like B-Dawk, whose emotional play and all-or-nothing attitude is what endeared him to Eagles fans for the past 13 years.

As part of the process of making sense of this loss, I’ve been trying to classify each emotion I feel, and here is what I’ve come up with:

• Anger/rage:
  I’m angry that the Eagles “let” him leave. I’m angry that they wouldn’t pay him anything he wanted to stay and finish his story the way it was supposed to end. I’m outraged at the cold-hearted nature of the Eagles front office, and their unwillingness to make one exception when it comes to every fan’s favorite player.
  I’m mad at him for leaving, which leads to…


• Betrayal:
  I feel betrayed by Dawk for leaving. I’m devastated that he wouldn’t accept less to stay with us and finish his story the way it was supposed to end. I feel spurned that he would choose money and pride over loyalty. Quite honestly, I feel like I got dumped, which leads to…


• Envy:
  I’m jealous that Denver fans will now have him in their colors. I envy their ability to get hype when he crushes somebody, and want so badly to be able to savor such a sweet taste, just one more time, which leads to…


• Sadness:
  I’m heartbroken that he won’t be crawling out of the tunnel for my team next season. I already miss the pregame speeches and game changing plays. Simply put, I feel empty without him in green.

Mixed somewhere in there is a hint of happiness that I was able to enjoy Brian Dawkins for 13-years; however, while I’m grateful for his services, the most prevalent emotion tugging at my heart is emptiness.

Something is missing.

Something is gone that I’m not sure will ever come back.

That pump I felt when he laid someone out, and the instant exuberance caused by one of his game changing interceptions.

The awe that one of his flying tackles produced, and the hit of adrenalin pumping straight to my heart from simply hearing him command his teammates.

The fire burning behind that menacing dark shield of his, and the blazing fury it injected into my veins. It still burns, just not in a good way.

But who takes the blame? Where do I direct this smorgasbord of emotion? We'll cover that part in a later post.

This may make you cry...